• Stephanie Joy

Bacon Bitch: A restaurant that thinks they are cool.

Updated: Oct 10, 2018

Ladies, stop trying to make "Bitch" happen.

I know you're wondering why in the hell we would go to a restaurant called "Bacon Bitch" in the first place. Well, duh...BACON!! I honestly don't think there is a single person with my paternal Terry Family gene that doesn't automatically have a predisposition to anything bacon. Seriously, it is in our blood. Mmmm....Bacon....

This place was on the way to the hotel, about a short 2 block walk off 9th Street, just off Ocean Drive and since Jason and I were suffering though a mild hangover from the cocktails the night before, we figured why not go get something on our stomach that would soak things up and make us feel a little more alive and since bacon is food of the gods, we decided to give it a go.

Huge mistake. That is 45 minutes and $60 that I will never get back.

YEP!!! You read that correctly. SIXTY FRICKIN' DOLLARS for 3 Croissant Sandwiches and 3 Bottled Cokes. We looked at the menu posted online, but seriously how is anyone supposed to know the difference between a main bitch, a skinny bitch, a side bitch or an extra bitch. Plus, if you look on the menu there is NO MENTION ANYWHERE THAT THESE ARE CROISSANT SANDWICHES. Yes, we were aware of that before we went, but for Suzie Creamcheese off the street who stops in, she'd have no idea what is served there...other than bacon.

But there is a reason for this!

It gives the wait staff there a reason to "amusingly" explain the entire menu to you like you are a freaking moron and for them to use the word bitch as many times as humanly possible. I swear, I felt like I was in an episode of "South Park" and listening to Mr. Garrison tying to fit in after his sex change operation or the high pitched annoying girls at "Raisins"(Lexus, Ferrari, Mercedes and Porsche) talking to their customers. The server who took our order must get paid each time she said "Yass, bitch....!" or "Have you bitches been here before?" I figured that for the positive reviews that were on Yelp, it wasn't going to be that annoying. I honestly felt sorry for the girl behind the counter. Why? That she either felt that she was being cute, funny and empowering by embracing the whole "bitch" attitude with bitch being a positive thing....or that she just didn't care or know any better.

As far as the atmosphere, well...if you're hard of hearing, you won't have that problem here. It was utterly impossible to miss a single word of the rather questionable music they had blaring over the sound system. Three guys were seated next to us outside, and one leaned over and made a comment to me on the crappiness of the music playing. I guess he wasn't very fond of hard core rap where seemingly every other word was the n-word, mother f-er, and since this a family blog, I won't repeat the colorful language describing women's genitalia that were also blasted over the speakers. They left within 10 minutes. When I went inside to get a cup of ice, the girls behind the counter were dancing away, laughing and having fun. I'm glad they enjoy their job, but at that point, I realized that it probably wasn't some embraced feminism that had them working there. They obviously didn't seem to care...they were clueless.

Now on to the food. On Yelp, the business owner shows pictures of some appealing, fresh looking, breakfast sandwiches, presented on dishware and let's face it, they look pretty darn tasty. Here is one of them:

Um, yeah...Maybe that is what they serve in Bizzarro World Bacon Bitch, but THIS is what you actually get:

Mmmmm....Doesn't that look yummy? Blech....We didn't even take a picture of Sarah's Philly Cheesecake, because it was such a freakin' hot mess. The croissants were flavorless, the bacon overly smokey flavored (although I will say it had a good thickness to it) and it was honestly, really quite unappealing visually, which makes an impact on how it tastes. The tomato jam on my bacon bitch just didn't compliment the sandwich or it was mixed with the Texas Pete Aoili. The sandwich was pretty devoid of seasoning (other than the tomato jam funk) so I scraped a little of the spicy cheese from my daughters cheese steak on top of the spinach to give it some flavor. It didn't help. My husband's sandwich was bland and the cheddar cheese just overwhelmed everything.

Do yourself a favor...skip this place. It sucks. Bacon Bitch is nothing more than a "restaurant" for the Instagram era. Yeah, it might be cute to take a photo of and share with your friends, but otherwise it is a contrived overpriced sandwich shop so obviously trying to be risque.

About the Joy Family

We're not a normal family. In fact, we're downright goofy, with just a touch of nerdy (well, maybe a lot of nerdy at times)...but we're fun, we care very much for one another and we LOVE to travel.

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